About what?

I must say beforehand that I had no intention of being an observer, I have never heard of a child saying, “I will be an observer when I grow up”. If you were to ask me then, I would have been an astronaut when I grew up, and when that didn’t happen, somehow the events in my life shaped me the way I am today, an observer.

What do I mean when I’m saying, I am living life as an observer? By definition (Oxford) an observer is a person who watches what happens but has no active part in it. (Cambridge) An observer is a person who follows events closely and comments publicly on them.

Since my childhood I was a very good watcher, I would perceive immediately even the little changes on the feelings of everybody around me. Somehow I remembered the little details about somebody. As a little girl, I had no notion of limit, so I would talk to anybody about anything, mostly about my imaginary stories. But I remember clearly that I did not let anybody get closer to me, I was a talker but not about myself, about anything else.

I was a good friend to everybody, a good listener, a good commentator, a good advisor on how others should act so that they would feel better. I had always wished them to feel better. That wish become more and more intense when I grew up. I spent all my energy to make my friends happy, I created a shell, another version of myself, outside I was an actress, inside I was an archivist. I would act like so to blend in better. I was not doing this consciously, it was like a reflex for me. From time to time some of friends would become the center of my life, like a project, I tried my best to keep this person pleased with life.

So examining the details, recording the current events on my mind and creating links between behaviours and actions are what I’m familiar with. After the obligatory retirement from my work (this is explained in details somewhere on this website), my life became my playground.

I decided to record current events, examining the details and ask questions and searching answers, but never declaring a judgment on anything. I am not a reporter or a newsperson, I have no intention of analysing the news, this is not what I meant with “events”. I want to talk about things that I sincerely believe have had a profound impact on human life, I plan to write only to describe and question, these are the topics that I do not want to be overlooked, that’s all. But this is not an easy task, at least today, I have a long way to go, I’ll try to be impartial, but I ‘m also a romantic and sentimental, we’ll see.

This is not an article, nor a story… So this is just en entry, just another note, yes?